as i'm sure many of you don't know, schwei and myself broke up a few days ago. it was no one's fault, but moreso just fears and particular circumstances that i could no longer bear.

afterwards, i stayed with my mother for two nights as we live together and we both knew there was no where else for him to go, while constantly texting and calling mr. s to make sure he was ok.

however, tonight, schwei called me while i was out with friends to make sure i was coming home tonight, as he'd told me he'd had his final meal and had said goodbye to his mother. i immediately called 911 and reported this, but was told that since i was not home, if he told the officer he was ok, they could do nothing. schwei, of course is an intelligent man and was able to convince the officer nothing was wrong. i then called his mother and told her what was going on. my room mate promplty picked me up and brough tme home.

schwei them made me sit down to a glass of wine with him, and gave me a bouquet of my favorite flowers. then he made me read what was to be his suicide letter. in it, he left all of his posessions and money to me, and instructed me on his final wishes and to let everyone know how he felt. he showed me the suit he was to be buried in, and told me to have it cleaned before the funeral. he gave me all of his passwords so i could share his life with the world. he also made me open my christmas presents. i did my best to beg him that life was worth living, that i was not worth killing himself over but he insisted that it was over for him.

i sought every opportunity to stall him and keep him safe, while secretly begging and texting my roommate to call the police. which he did. he actually had to fight with the operator that the earlier call was not a prank, and that this was literally a life or death situation. after an hour and a half, at 3:00, the police finally showed up.

i secretly led one of the officers to this computer to read schwei's letter, and he had me email it to him so he could show the nurses at the hospital. i showed the officers his cuts, and begged them to have him involuntarily commited, as it will be a longer stay, and he will not be able to remove himself from their care. i waited and watched until the car was out of view.

i want everyone to know that despite the fact i cannot be his girlfriend, i still love schwei more than words can say. i will always do my best to care for him and be here for him, and i hope to god you all will too.

for those of you that pray, pray for him tonight. for those of you that wish, wish for him to find his reason to live. for those of you that hope, hope for him to find new meaning. for those of you that love, love him with all yuor heart, as i do.

-peaches
www.myspace.com/peachesthemighty

schwei's letter:

To my Beautiful Ms.Peaches.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I know you might not ever fully understand. As you know in this past year I’ve suffered many of life’s cruel blows, and one after another. Now that I no longer have you or my sanity left I have nothing in this world to keep going and my entire life is shit… I have no credit, no car, no family I can go to, no money, horrible debt, no insurance, no friends to come see me, constant nightmares of past events, nowhere I can go, the mental hospital won’t have me, no mind left, and now no You, Love, or Support… But with all the torment I’ve been trying to endure I don’t blame you for how you feel and it is mush more than one girl should have to suffer through.
After I realized you no longer loved me the Army was my very last option for another chance but I failed all they’re tests n’ physicals and now my chances for a better life have gone dry. And who am I kidding anyway? Of course I’m not cut out for the bloody Army! I get scared if I climb 6 feet Ehehee…
After I take care of a few things I need to do; my life won’t last much longer. This is for sure and not a cry for help but I want you to know that I LOVE you! More than you’ll ever know or anyone ever could!
So I’m leaving you all what little money I have and everything I own and I’m gonna make sure that the 2000 coming to me is singed over to you!
In return I only ask a few favors…If you could have me buried in my white suite, Have the service in Uniontown for my friends would come, Play “Don’t stop me now” by Queen, and if possible put me in that little Cemetery by the HighlandHouse cuz the Highland is where I was made felt most at home. Those people were more family than family ever where so please let them know how I felt. But above all Please sort your life better than I did.
I’ll always Love you even after I’m gone! My only regrets was not being able to afford to get you your engagement ring to you on time, or start a happy family with you like we always planned. But I’m leaving you my Grandfathers gold ring with My initials on it that he left me when he passed on. As it was very special to me and I can only hope it’ll be just as special to you.
I’m not afraid of the Devil taking my soul anymore cuz that belongs to Peaches.


PS.
Debit card pin is 1313.
Photobucket.com – Login “Schweikart” password “******”.
Myspace.com – Login “mr.s@deadstyle.org” password “**********”…Rewrite that and carry it on for me as you see fit so I can go on for awhile. Thank you.

No worries,

Cheers,
My Love for always,
Schweí

Date:	2006-11-15 19:31
Subject:	i died a little today
Security:	Public
Mood:	nauseated
Music:	interpol

so i'm at my mom's house, which is a no smoking zone. i go out for a walk and decide that since it's raining, i'll go sit at a little bus stop cubby hole up the street.

as i'm sitting there enjoying the sweet nectar that is a Salem, a bus pulls up on the opposite side of the street. a middle-aged man that i have seen many times throughout my life, but have never spoken to gets of the bus and stands there for a few minutes. he stumbles a few steps, then ducks behind a telephone pole. the man starts peeking out at me, secret agent style.

i notice that the man has begun fondling the zipper of his denim jeans, and think to myself "oh god no." i look away, but can't help to keep peeking back, because let's face it, this could be the most interesting thing to happen to me all day.

much to my chagrin, the gentleman whips out his member and stares at me for a few seconds, his flagpole waving at half-mast, whipping in the breeze as cars pass. i grab my cell phone, waiting for another step to be taken, and prepare myself for the emergency call.

instead of trying to attack me with it, the man begins urinating quite conspicuously on the telephone pole. at the same time, he begins screaming at me, about the world being overrun and going to shit. he rambles for a few minutes, most of which i try not to hear, because i'm too busy trying not to laugh and die.

he finishes, recovers his unit, and begins staggering down the street toward the trailor park, still talking to someone (i assume me), and then begins screaming that the sign is crooked and sideways. he stands there with both hands on it, leaning into it as if he were holding up a wall. and then walks into the trailer park.

as my shock faded, i got up and ran.

Date:	2006-11-15 17:46
Subject:	birthday stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

19 July 1987

Your date of conception was on or about 26 October 1986 which was a Sunday.

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Cancer.
Your Life path number is 6.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446995.5.
The golden number for 1987 is 12.
The epact number for 1987 is 0.
The year 1987 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/29/1987 and ending 2/16/1988.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rabbit.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Woodpecker; your plant is Wild Rose.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 22 Tammuz 5747.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 23 Tammuz 5747.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.14.3.11 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 14 tun 3 uinal 11 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Sunday, 22 Dhi'l-Qa'dih 1407 (1407-11-22).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 19 April 1987.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 19 April 1987.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 4 March 1987.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 7 June 1987.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 14 June 1987.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Thursday, 24 September 1987.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 14 April 1987.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 3 March 1987.

As of 11/15/2006 4:43:49 PM EST
You are 19 years old.
You are 232 months old.
You are 1,008 weeks old.
You are 7,059 days old.
You are 169,432 hours old.
You are 10,165,963 minutes old.
You are 609,957,829 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Steven Anthony Lawrence (1990) Anthony Edwards (1962) Brian May (1947)
Vikki Carr (1941) George McGovern (1922) Lizzie Borden (1860)
Edgar Degas (1834)

Top songs of 1987
Faith by George Michael Livin' On a Prayer by Bon Jovi
Alone by Heart With or Without You by U2
La Bamba by Los Lobos I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2
Didn't We Almost Have It All by Whitney Houston I Knew You Were Waiting by Aretha Franklin & George Michael

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 2.76281800391389 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 246 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 20 candles.

Those 20 candles produce 20 BTUs,
or 5,040 calories of heat (that's only 5.0400 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.29 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1987 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1987 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1987 in the US there were 2,421,000 marriages (9.9%) and 1,157,000 divorces (4.8%)
In 1987 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1987 the population of Australia was approximately 16,394,641.
In 1987 there were approximately 243,959 births in Australia.
In 1987 in Australia there were approximately 114,113 marriages and 39,725 divorces.
In 1987 in Australia there were approximately 117,321 deaths.


Your birthstone is Ruby

The Mystical properties of Ruby

Ruby is said to open one's heart to love.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Carnelian


Your birth tree is

Elm Tree, the noble-mindedness

Pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, tends to a know-all-attitude and making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humour, practical.


There are 40 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 53 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning crescent.

Copyright © 2006 Paul R. Sadowski (http://www.paulsadowski.com)

Date:	2006-11-12 18:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated

figured this site out, which is nice. it's been quite some time. um...

it has come to my attention that justing timberlake must be eliminated. that stupid sexy back song is stuck in my head, and i can't get it out of there, short of a drill. but that's alot of blood loss and i might lose some motor skills, so the only other option is eradicate timberlake.

nothing too interesting to talk about... i started writing again, which is nice. working on a short story involving a waitress and a regular, some kidnapping and torture.. you know, fun stuff.

i was supposed to go out with my friend brad today, but he never called. i sent him a few texts, but you know what, i'm not going to call him. i'm going to sit here and be irritated. i think i'm just annoyed because out side of work and emily, i don't exactly have many friends anymore. i'm terrible at keeping contact.

man, i did my makeup all nice today. gay.

Date:	2005-05-20 23:59
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful
Music:	Selby Tigers

definately feeling better. listening to "chick rock" always makes it better. mm, the selby tiger, ditillers, fabulous disaster, and bratmobile.

well, aunt grace's condition has not improved, nor has it worstened. she had another surgery yesterday. ijust don't think this is looking good. i think that this is pretty much it. i want it to be easy, you know. don't let it drag out... i couldn't stand to know she's suffering. it's just so hard to deal with now. thoughts won't even come out well, it's all broken...

i'm so tired.

i stayed home from school today to delay the inevitable: a test i must study for and a paper i must write. i am still procrastinating. fuck. i'm so fucked.

i'm graduating in like... 9 days or so. i'm so excited. no more montour... pure liberation...

Date:	2005-05-18 15:11
Subject:	aunt grace
Security:	Public
Mood:	nauseated

so my aunt grace has necrotising fasciitis in her stomach: basically, her blood supply was cut off to a large portion of her stomach, and caused the tissue to die. had she not gone to the emergency room when she did, it could have led to gangrene and killed her. well, they removed a large protion of her stomach, but now her kidneys are failing. my mm said she's responsive, but barely.

fuck...

i'm not prepared for another death in my family. i can't lose my aunt grace. technically, she's my mother's aunt, but she'd punch me in the face if i ever referred to her as great-aunt grace. i know this, because i did it once. no one even knows how hilarious and crazy she is. she'd always make fun of her prosthetic leg, threatening to beat us with it, as she smoked 800 cigarettes and smothered her lips with vasoline.

my mom said that if she doesn't "turn" by the end of the week, we're going to have to make some "decisions." the same ones we made for grandpap.

there never was a god.